Our Mother was the most loving, positive and supportive person, spiced with determination and an inquisitive mind, a great sense of humour, a competitive spirit and a little wisdom. She was lovely and we have been so fortunate to have had her with us through our lives. I think she leaves us all with such happy memories. She would be thrilled to see you all here today and to have the chance to catch up with so many old friends.
She was 96 when she died and right up to the end, the carers liked to look after her because of her happy outlook and wonderful smile.
Mum was born in Liverpool in 1922. Her parents Henry and Ellen had four children: Mum’s elder sister Hilda and two younger brothers Harry and Gordon. It was a loving, Christian family. The parents enjoyed change, moving house frequently and having adventurous holidays on the Wirral or in North Wales – reminded us of Swallows and Amazons. Later, when the family got together, there was always fits of laughter as they remembered the exploits of their youth, going down to the pier head in Liverpool and taking the ferry boat across the Mersey and off to New Brighton.
The Second World War was a major turning point in Mum’s life as she was anxious to support her country and joined the ATS – the women’s part of the army. In demand for her draughtswoman skills, she was stationed in central London working on the Normandy Landings. Mum told us hair-raising tales of listening to the ‘doodle bugs, waiting for the engine to cut out and then holding her breath, ready for the explosion that followed.
Her best friend in the ATS was Dorothy Giles, who lived in North London and took Mum home at weekends, where she met this tall, handsome sailor. He was to become our Dad, Stan, and they married in 1947. I was born ten months later! Several generations lived together in our Dad’s parents’ Victorian house in North London.
Mum was always supportive and caring, giving part of her rations to me. I vividly remember being fed cod liver oil and small bottles of NHS orange juice, both of which were disgusting! Life after the war changed fast and Mum always wanted to try new things – I remember the first television, bought specially for Queen Elizabeth’s coronation, the first top loader wash tub, a pressure cooker. In 1954 she managed to persuade Dad that we should move to Potters Bar. Years later she said that she was sure we would still be living in Crouch End if it had been up to him!
Mum was so happy when Derek was born in 1955. But this joy was offset by the death of her father shortly after and the emigration of her sister and family to Canada.
Our family however soon settled in our little suburban semi-detached. We had lots of fun - family games of cricket in the back garden with the occasional smashed window and wrecked flower bed, football in the hallway and badminton over a huge privet hedge. It was great for reflexes as you could only see the shuttlecock once it appeared over the hedge!!
Mum did love sport and represented her school at swimming, hockey and netball. Her first love however was tennis. She famously played at Queens Club when she was the peak of her powers. She used to play Dad and really wanted to win. She was much better than him but he used the tactic of hitting the ball vertically into the sky and then talking as it came down. Often this worked enough for him to win the point. Their rivalry was always undertaken in good humour and ended with lots of laughs and teasing.
Mum was interested in everything and loved learning with us as we grew older, always encouraging us and saying ‘do your best’, She put family first and would stick up for us. If we did wrong however she made sure we knew she was disappointed and expected us to apologise. I remember Mum making me apologise to various friend’s mothers for my misdemeanours! She taught me to own up, say sorry and move on. Her standards were high and she always expected people to be treated with honesty, kindness and respect.
With both her children at school Mum decided to train to be a primary school teacher. She wrote a thesis on the history of the family…One great, great aunt was the first white woman to live north of the arctic circle in Greenland, her husband, a navy admiral was purported to be the inspiration for CS Forester’s character Horatio Hornblower, another relation owned his own lace shop in Regents Street and another was the Bishop of Winchester. She loved these connections and always claimed she was descended from Queen Catherine Parr.
By 1971, I had finished university, left home and got married. Stan’s job had relocated to Bournemouth and Derek was finishing school and also about to go to University. Mum and Dad loved their time together in Dorset. In particular Poole harbour, Studland bay and Hengistbury Head. They both loved the sea and bought a little day boat, which they named ‘Starene’- a mix of their names. Their wider family all enjoyed visiting and there were many tall stories of close escapes of a sailing nature! Mum and Dad also treasured their annual visits to North Wales where her Mum and later her brothers, had established a new life.
In 1974 their first grandson, Ian, was born – they were so excited. Unfortunately this halcyon period only lasted for five years as Dad died in 1976 from heart failure. Mum was devastated as they had been truly in love and incredibly close. Her Mother also died in the same year. Mum went through a terrible time, which coincided with both Derek and I living abroad.
After Dad died Mum found new hope and strength from her Christian belief. She became a very active member of the Christian community in Wimborne, including providing counselling. Her people skills and positive outlook, enabled her to help many people overcome depression and a range of personal problems. She had a good reputation and was in high demand.
She became a member of U3A, volunteered with the National Trust, took up art again and we all have her pictures hanging on the wall. Mum always had a piano and loved to play her brothers’ songs.
By the end of the 1980s she had four grandchildren. They all loved her very much and couldn’t wait to go down and stay with her in Dorset, often taking friends with them. Mum travelled regularly to see her Sister and family in Canada, visited family in Cheshire and of course her two sons and their families. She joined in with their wider social gatherings, having many friends across the generations. She always said she felt eighteen and really enjoyed a party!
In 1971, the day we moved to Dorset our neighbours Diane and Alan came out with a cup of tea and that started a lasting friendship. A memorable 60th birthday cake with elaborate home-designed icing, parties at Dormers, our houses, in the Canford Magna Centre, daily help when mum had a hip replacement, their visit to mum last October – the last when she was at her best – spring to mind. Derek and Trish Needham also stand out as wonderful neighbours, keeping an eye on mum from opposite, always willing to help and they celebrated a shared holiday in the Isle of Man.
Trish wrote “Many years ago, she saw Derek (husband) and me looking at the foundation of this house. She came across the road and made me feel so welcome, then continued as a wonderful neighbour for over forty years. She was a very significant help on the journey towards deepening my Christian faith. I shall never forget Irene's final gift to my family – coming to Derek's (husband) funeral. Another precious memory “Patricia Needham This was in February last year at the age of 95.
Mum also made many more friends in the 41 years she spent in Dorset and through her involvement in the church and the National Trust. Her many fond memories would also include places – Canford Magna Church where I did some bell ringing in my teens, Canford School where I taught several summers, the foot bridge across the Stour, Bournemouth, where she had her honeymoon and Hengistbury Head, sailing in Poole Harbour, taking her grandchildren to Brownsea Island, the chain ferry, walking to Old Harry Rock – her main objective after the hip replacement, tramping across the Purbecks. This is where she considered herself at home with friends, many family visitors and a beautiful area to explore. This is why we wanted to organise this Thanksgiving Service here.
Our mum loved travelling and enjoyed holidays with me touring Italy, Portugal and Spain. She spent many summers and New Year with my Spanish wife's extended family, represented today by my brother-in-law Javier. After spending Xmas in the UK, she would go to the big New Year family party although she struggled with the Spanish habit of eating one grape for each chime of the bell at midnight - starting each New Year with her mouth full of fruit. She then stayed on to the traditional present giving day - 3 Kings – celebrated in January and came to delight in the strange Spanish habit of leaving out a bucket of water for the camels to drink, which they always did. After all it was very unusual unlike the common English tradition of Santa coming down the chimney!
Into her 90s she felt herself lucky to wrap up and go for a drive and a short walk in the bright, cold sun amongst the pines in the snowy moutains north of Madrid, perhaps reminding herself of Welsh hills and Snowdonia as a youngster. She particularly enjoyed our wedding in Gibraltar, the following exquisite meal in Cadiz and her 75th birthday a day later in Tarifa looking across at the African continent. At the subsequent party, the Giles Dison clan came en masse, and one day we all visited a nearby town called Chinchon. Harry, mum's brother, was on particularly good form, pretending to bullfight in the local bullring with his coat and then we went to a rustic inn where we ordered some wine and tapas. After a while a group of 5 or 6 troubadours arrived with lute, guitars, tambourines and sang a couple of rousing folk songs at our table. Harry's laconic comment “I only came in here for a cheese sandwich” had mum and the family in stitches for many years after.
Another thing she delighted in was the singing parties with Derek's friends, and she would end up almost dancing to bed to the tune of Goodnight Irene. Spencer Davis had been a family neighbour years previously in Potters Bar at the height of his musical fame and one night she was thrilled when he dedicated this song to her in a packed Bournemouth Theatre. Also it would have reminded her of her of singing parties in Chichester Walk and in her childhood around the piano singing to the playing of her brother Gordon with Harry and Hilda.
I wish to quote a fellow Liverpudlian whom she would have agreed with:
“If someone thinks that peace and love are just a cliche that must have been left behind in the 60s, that's a problem. Peace and love are eternal.” by John Lennon.
Mum remained very fit until her late eighties when her mobility began to decline. It was a huge wrench for her to leave Wimborne six years ago, but as always Mum was positive about the benefits. She always said that her Father had taught her to consider options carefully, make a decision and never regret it. She lived by that maxim.
In Warnham she loved seeing her family more regularly, especially as ten great grandchildren came along, who loved hearing about the war and imagining a world with few cars, no TV, let alone iphones and internet! She stopped driving when she was ninety and hated this loss of independence. She was always saying ‘I am going out today to buy a new little car!’
She made friends in the village and attended the Kings church and bible classes regularly. Over the past two years, she has needed more care and has been so lucky to have such wonderful carers, I’ll mention Michelle in particular.
It is hard to imagine how much the world changed in Mum’s life – 1922 seems a very long time ago – but she embraced life and the changes it brings, and would always look to the future. We will all miss Mum so much and yet I am sure she is looking down and willing us to not feel sad, but to be happy, keeping her close to our hearts and in our memories as she lives on in heaven and through her family.